The Kurz Korner

Amusing Articles 
By Richard C. Kurz

The mania is about to hit! ... Yes, it is making itself felt even among dog fanciers. We observed the start of this
phenomenon years ago with books banned in Boston, but then the germ grew into X-rated movies. From there the jump was short to massage parlors and topless saloons. Who dared think that the reproachless, pink-cheeked, all-American dog show would ever be victimized? ... Alas, I myself have witnessed it. ... I can testify. Yes, my faithful brethren with the smelly shoes and scooper-hardened hands, in the dreary back streets of our larger towns, famous breeders, exhibitors, handlers, and even judges slink about. ... Unnoticed, they slip into sleazy, run-down movie theaters to view low-budget films of "unsanctioned" matches.

      It's true! ... You can imagine my surprise when, on a
recent business trip to Philadelphia, I not only discovered one of these dens, but was also briefed on a whole list of "doggie flicks" by a well known show personality.

      I was strolling down Locust Street about eleven p.m.
looking for pet shops as is my custom. I noticed a line of
people curling around a corner and into an alley. Each stood restlessly with collar turned up as if to obscure his face. I would have suspected nothing but, as I passed, a young woman dropped her purse and, when she bent to retrieve it, I recognized her from the show ring instantly. I stopped to ask what was happening.

"Don't you know?" She blushed obviously disturbed at being caught. "We're waiting to see a 'doggy flick'." She began whispering as she reddened even more, "It's Leopold Scragg's newest hit about an unsanctioned match in Yugoslavia with unlicensed judges and nude dogs."

 "You must be kidding!"

 "No, it's one of a series. ... You mean you haven't seen any of them?"

 "No. ... It doesn't sound as if I want to either. ..."

 "Don't be so straight. ... Everybody's doing it. ... They're
great. ... Unknown handlers, unknown dogs, ... They even show them on real 'loose leads'."

 "But if the AKC ..."

 "Shhh! ..." She put her hand over my mouth. Several persons nearby shifted nervously at my half-uttered statement. One just bolted from the line, hat down over his eyes as if the pressure had become to great, ... the last straw.

 "That was _____________", she said.

 "No! ... Impossible! ... He's a judge."

 "That's who it was."

 "How long has this been going on?" I was still too shocked to believe it.

 "Ever since Scragg's first feature, 'The Ring Stewardesses'!"

 "How many are there?"

 "Oh, .. about seven, I think. He also made: 'Behind the Kennel Door', 'The Devil and the Grand Victrix', 'Hot to Gait', 'Stud Dog Review', ... kind of "kinky", that one. .. Let me see. .. Then there was 'Inbred' and now 'Deep Trot'. .. I understand that in this one, the judge puts up a large brown and white Shepherd bitch with one pink eye."


 "I guess that's part of the attraction. ... Sure you don't want to see it?"

 "Absolutely not! ... And you had better be careful. ... If
you're seen here, you'll never register another litter. ..."

 "Oh, don't worry so much. .. It's just a matter of time before you see reviews of these things in Dog World."

     I dismissed myself quickly, the guilt by association
spreading down my spine. I made my way back to my hotel, ..forgetting about the pet shops, about the dogs, about dog shows and films, .. remembering only the image of her bending to retrieve her purse. 


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